Allah, the Almighty, said:

{… and those who observe the limits [set by] Allah…} [at-Tawbah 9:112]

Proper etiquette³⁷² is about observing the bounds between excessiveness and negligence by recognizing the harm of transgression.³⁷³ It is of three levels:³⁷⁴

The first level:

1. preventing fear from turning into despair


2. restraining hope from transgressing into security (indifference)


3. controlling joy lest it becomes audaciousness

The second level:

1. departing from fear to the arena of contraction


2. rising from hope to the arena of expansion


3. ascending from joy to the arena of mushâhadah (beholding the Divine)³⁷⁵

The third level:

1. recognition of adab³⁷⁶


2. banishment of adab through the ta’deeb(refinement) by the True One³⁷⁷


3. ridding oneself from the burdens of adab³⁷⁸

³⁷² Adab may also be translated as good manners, courtesy, decency, appropriateness, or refinement. The plural is âdâb, which would usually be translated as proper etiquette.
³⁷³ Since this is a subtler concept and not always regulated by definitive proofs, it is essential here to strike the right balance in one’s conduct with Allah, His Messenger ﷺ, and His creations.
³⁷⁴ The focus here is on propriety with Allah. The masters of sulook (behavior) also talk about propriety with His Messenger ﷺ and His creations. Observing proper etiquette with Allah starts with the fulfillment of the obligations, then the sunan of the interior and exterior. Some âdâb may not be supported by definitive proof, but rather through inferences and proper intuition. They can sometimes be subjective. Unless required by the Revelation, there should be no enforcement or condemnation concerning them. One may proceed with the acquisition and practice of more âdâb gently, and prioritize those that came from the Prophet ﷺ, then his Companions, then the followers, and so on. One should stop if certain practices become overwhelming, slow their progress, dry out their relationship with Allah, or hold them from nearness to Him.
³⁷⁵ In this level, one ascends from the forms to their realities. The reality of our fear is Allah’s contraction (qabḍ) of us, and that of hope is His expansion (basṭ) of us. The joy of obedience is now eclipsed by the awe and wonder of beholding the Divine.
³⁷⁶ One reaches perfection of adab and recognizes its true essence and conditions and looks at its stations from above to complete them with iḥsân.
³⁷⁷ One now does not attribute anything to themselves and does not see his/her refinement of themselves, but Allah’s refinement of them.
³⁷⁸ This is when the self is dissolved through fanâ’.